Good girlfriends mean more to us than we can probably put in words. They cheer us on to achieve our professional goals, they us bring wine and cookies when we’re having a rough day, and most importantly there’s nothing quite like saying you have a true friend in the world – someone who doesn’t have to love you but does.
Friends, after all, are the family that we choose. And it’s no secret that our girlfriends are the people we tend to turn to when we need to talk about our love lives.
But I think we should reconsider that aspect of our friendships. Maybe pick a confidante, someone with experience, and a little bit of distance from you and your relationship to be your sounding board – because you might still need one. But there are some legitimate reasons you should stop telling your girlfriends about your love life:
1. You only ever tell them one side of the story.
“There are two sides to every story. And then there’s the truth.” Now ain’t that the truth? Oftentimes we are more likely to go out girlfriends when things in our relationships are on either end of a spectrum of really good or really bad. And I don’t think it would be a lie to say the latter is more likely than the former. And when that happens, you create an inaccurate picture of your relationship. And that’s not fair to either party.
2. They could end up resenting your boo, your relationship, and YOU.
I often find that people very rarely dislike their girlfriend’s boo without having a reason. Most of the time, if you have been filling your girlfriends’ heads with things about your boo that will make him unlikable, then it should come as no surprise when they start resenting him. But even more than that, they might start giving your relationship the side-eye entirely. And if they think everything you have told them is somehow affecting who you are, they might even start resenting you too.
3. They could give you bad advice and you could end up resenting them.
Now what we do with the advice that we’re given is solely our responsibility. But sometimes when we follow the advice that someone most graciously gave us out of the goodness of their heart – and it ends up backfiring – it can leave us with a bitter taste in our mouths. The thing we have to learn about advice, is that it is based on other people’s experiences. And even when you might have encountered the same problem as other people, your situation and theirs can be vastly different.
4. It can create a rift in your relationship.
If your boo can tell that things are coming into the relationship from outside sources, expect them to be mad. Put yourself in his shoes – wouldn’t you be mad if you find out the things he is saying and the way he is acting comes from a collective agreement between friends who are influencing him, sometimes negatively? It is true that our friends can sometimes see things about ourselves and our relationships that we can’t. But it is also true that sometimes them and their insight can become an unnecessary third-party to your relationship.
5. You can fall into the false thinking that if things aren’t spectacular, they’re bad.
Things aren’t bad when you’re not jumping over the moon screaming to the universe about how much you love your significant other. Sometimes being in a relationship means going through the mundane together. At the end of the day, you probably should be with someone you can be bored with too. So if things are “going okay,” don’t let girlfriends convince you that there is a double meaning. Maybe before you go looking for problems to discuss, evaluate the situation yourself and as with all things, trust your judgment. After all, this is your relationship.