If last week’s episode of AMC’s “The Walking Dead” taught us anything, it’s that you do not cross sword-wielding warrior princess Michonne (played by Danai Gurira) in any way, shape, or form. Ever the merciless one, she even annihilated her loyal pet zombies without blinking an eye.
But even worse than her crafty use of katana blade, Michonne has got the illest side-eye ever, one that basically says, “I see your mouth moving, but the nonsense coming out of it is making me want to knock your teeth out.”
Yeah, those kind of faces.
So, in light of the massacre that was Hurricane Sandy this week, we compiled five recent situations where we could have used Michonne’s trademark stare:
5. Mitt Romney comparing hurricane Sandy’s recovery efforts to cleaning up after a high school football game. We don’t have the full proof yet, but we have been led to believe that the Michonne Side-Eye was inspired by the mere existence of Mitt Romney. Seriously. Let us know when a high school football game leaves people homeless, dead, or under water. Once again, bad metaphor, dude. You never fail to disappoint us with your insistence on talking out the side of your neck.
4.Sending weather reporters into the eye of the storm, then asking them, “How bad is it?” This is the kind of question that gets a hard Michonne side eye, because it’s just disrespectful. The reporter is literally being blown away by heavy winds and grasping onto a tree branch, drenched, with a microphone in his hand. And you still wonder what the weather is like? “Bob, can you tell us how it is out there? Bob? Can you hear us? I think we lost connection with Bob. Hope he’s ok…And in other Sandy-related news….” Just wait until Bob gets back to the studio. We bet you’ll know how bad it is then.
3. Offering marathoners generators in the midst of hurricane Sandy recovery efforts. Once word got out that runners had large generators, when much of New York City was—and still is—living without water, shelter, food or electricity, we’re sure residents would have started knocking them out with their empty gas tanks. Thankfully, the event was later canceled because it might have resembled a scene out of Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
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2. Gas and bus brawls. Little things like taking the bus and getting gas for the car in lieu of the destroyed subway lines resulted in mile-long lines and, worse, black eyes. Because once you put a bunch of frustrated New Yorkers together who have been suffering from days-long cabin fever and zero cell phone service (at best), it’s the recipe for disaster. Folks cutting lines and trying to jack you for your gas prove that we may be getting closer and closer to a real apocalypse. Let’s just hope the zombies don’t start coming after us next.
1.Mayor Bloomberg’s “Spanish”: It’s hard to describe it without using the words “cruel” and “unnecessary.” Listening to him recite his best learned Spanish like a first semester Spanish 101 student is just…..like nails on a chalk board. Spanish-speaking residents who desperately tuned in to his televised press conference to learn about the status of hurricane Sandy were probably more confused after watching him mangle the language. Haven’t they been through enough?