5 Reasons Lil Wayne Should Retire

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Lil Wayne signed to Cash Money Records before he could even pee straight and went on to sell millions of records.  After two decades of making girls wobbledy-wobble Weezy is ready to hang up the mic. In 2011 he told radio host Angie Martinez that he’d retire by age 35, and he has now reinforced that statement with MTV’s Sway Calloway, insisting that Tha Carter V would be his last album.

Given recent events we have five good reasons why retiring from music is a good idea or Lil Tunechi.

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Health

Despite early reports by his handlers, Weezy’s work schedule is effecting his health. Wayne suffered seizure like symptoms aboard his private jet and is now taking prescription medication to keep it in check. Given that his homey Rick Ross  and  record exec Vince Herbert suffered from the same condition and we lost Heavy D to blood clots related to excessive flying, cutting out the need to rejoin the Mile High Club each week might be wise.

Fashion Sense

In July of 2012 Lil Wayne joined the long list of rappers to launch clothing lines. But have you seen these clothes? Zebra striped jeggings and neon T-shirts?  It looks like Bret Michaels’ tour bus was raped by an Army surplus store. He clearly needs to spend more time on his sewing skills and less time in the studio if he’s serious about this.

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Legal Troubles

Despite dodging jail time after several different arrests, Wayne served a year on Rikers for weapons possession in 2010. Now that he’s a free man he’s dodging lawsuits left and right from record and film producers. Given his passive aggressive outbursts during legal depositions and the fact that he now owes Quincy Jones’s son $2 Million, a career change might be in order.

Undercooked Beef

When Weezy isn’t sending unrequited hate to Jay-Z on records, he’s bobbing and weaving battle jabs from Pusha-T and demands for apology from Senators.  When you’ve declared war on an entire state some time off at a deserted island  giving Karrine Steffans material for her next book might be what he needs.

Time’s Up

At 30 he may be feeling too old to be in “young” money and too big to be “lil” anymore. After rapping for over 20 years he’s earned a pension and the right to go fishing if he wants. And with the walking rap parody Trinidad James on the rise, the world can only take so much ratchetness at one time.

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